


Who let children exist. Who allowed this. Whose idea was this.

by squidcandy



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Drunken Shenanigans, M/M, Swearing, i am a very profane writer i think., i will never bet again, in which jackaloo and kuroshou are the same. they are, ive made many bad decisions in my life this is one of them, please laugh, pspsps kuroshou come home haikyuu 401
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-06
Updated: 2020-07-06
Packaged: 2021-03-05 03:49:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,666
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25108027
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/squidcandy/pseuds/squidcandy
Summary: Daishou Suguru, aged 24, takes the tacky cartoon bird mask off of his head and wonders how exactly things ended up like this.
Relationships: Daishou Suguru/Kuroo Tetsurou, Jackasuke Jackal/Adloo Adler
Comments: 16
Kudos: 93





	Who let children exist. Who allowed this. Whose idea was this.

**Author's Note:**

> fuck everyone who made me write this. i hate you guys. and you, the reader, if for some reason you put yourself through this willingly, i hope you laugh. if you don't then im really sorry about all of *gestures vaguely* this

The Jackals win the game, with a conclusion that can only be described as tiresome to an outsider. The monsters don't ever seem to run out of gas, while the mortals sweat their asses off in the stands.

Or in a mascot costume.

Adloo drops his arms to his sides, sad, but satisfied. The match had felt like an end and a beginning of an era. The mascot reaches up to wipe the sweat off of his forehead, but then realizes he is wearing a mask and cannot do that until later.

He feels a small hand tug on the hem of his jersey and has half a mind to smack the kid away. Why did he take this job if he hated children? Right. College loan. Everything comes at a price. He kneels down and flashes a peace sign. Inside the mask, he sticks his tongue out and makes a face, because he can. How many papers does he have to turn in tomorrow? three? or just one? was that next Monday?

He needs a drink.

The problem with being in a mascot costume is exactly that. He gets stopped for pictures almost every second step to the vending machine and is just about to rip the sweaty mask off his head in front of several children. Who the fuck brought kids to a volleyball match anyways? Kids shouldn't exist. They don't do shit for society. Die, he thinks while hugging yet another snotty eleven year old.

He makes it to the vending machine tucked under the stairs at the back of the building though and tries to pull out his wallet before realizing he is still in the suit. Nobody seems to be around. If nobody sees him break the 'mascot code of conduct', then it never happened. Fair and square, as they said back in high school.

Daishou Suguru, aged 24, takes the tacky cartoon bird mask off of his head and wonders how exactly things ended up like this.

He does a weird shimmy and de-sleeves his arm so he can jam his fingers into his pockets and fish out his wallet and phone. With one hand still covered in white feathers- ew was that ketchup- and another human and sweaty, he turned on his phone to check the time. There was half an hour before he'd be called to the lobby for photo ops. The date reads November 17th.

Ah.

 _It's Kuroo's birthday_ , He thinks to himself, pushing a few coins into the machine and watching it rattle. The vending machine spits out coffee, but it's the wrong kind and too bitter. Daishou curses under his breath but takes the can anyways. He's skint and coffee is coffee. He sits down on the stone bench and presses the cold can against his sweaty forehead, tilting his head back and closing his eyes. Where was the November breeze when you needed it?

"Fancy seeing you here." A voice rings out from his left, and he cracks one eye open to look at the newcomer. Its Jackasuke, sounding oddly familiar. Whoever was underneath that mask had made some very intense eye contact in between rallies.

"And you are?" Daishou speaks, from one long-suffering soul to another.

Kuroo Tetsurou, freshly 24, takes the cartoon jackal mask off his head and wonders how exactly things ended up like this. 

"What's up, _Aodaishou_?" Tetsurou attempts a smirk, but it's honestly kind of sad.

"KUROO???" 

This is it. Suguru wants to coil into himself and die. He'd rather eat one million black sesame mochi and give up on Papico entirely than be right here, at this moment, at probably the lowest point of his life, facing Kuroo Tetsurou. Kuroo looks like he's won and lost the lottery at the same time. 

Oh, of course. Today is his birthday, and he's stuck as Jackasuke Jackal, the favorite mascot of absolutely nobody. No seriously, why did nobody like the big fuzzy canine mascot? Maybe because Fucking Kuroo Fucking Tetsurou is inside! Fucking Kuroo Fucking Tetsurou plants his ass right next to Daishou and smiles a tired smile, the genuine kind that makes Suguru want to back-flip off the Tokyo sky-tree and never look at his dumb face again.

"Isn't it your birthday or something?" Daishou prods tentatively because he might be an asshole, but he isn't going to go full throttle on a sad college student's birthday. Not even if said student is the worst person in the entire world.

"Sure is." He looks through the wall opposite the two of them.

"Oh, well. Happy Birthday I guess."

"Thanks." and the conversation is dead. 

Another minute into their shared silence and the tension is getting a little ridiculous. But then again, what were you supposed to say? Hey there, I see you're in the same unfortunate situation as I am, here have a kiss on the lips as mutual consolation because I like you a lot and have thought about kissing you since high-school graduation and BAD SUGURU YOU ARE OVER THIS.

You made your choice, and he made his, and he is no longer attractive, not even with fursuit hair, which is only marginally sexier than bedhead hair. Who are you kidding, Kuroo Tetsurou is the opposite of sexy at all times. You just have bad taste in men and too-good taste in women. (god bless Mika-chan)

"Why are you here?" Kuroo asks, doing the same de-sleeving shimmy ritual to retrieve his own phone and wallet.

"Should say the same to you. Last time I saw you was three months ago when you crashed my date for the Fifty-Seventh time."

Kuroo chuckles and Suguru wants to push the hair off his face. Instead, he un-sticks the can of cold coffee from his forehead and cracks it open to sip at. Now he has an excuse. 

"I remember that. Sort of. I was drunk."

"I could tell." Daishou raised an eyebrow. The embarrassment of the memory is muffled by how Kuroo had tried to woo Daishou while his date fumed at them. He had looked like the world's biggest, most emo peacock standing on their table and serenading Suguru like his date wasn't right there. Later, Daishou had dragged him back to his apartment through the rain, and they had laughed like there wasn't years worth of petty bad blood between them.

But that part isn't anything Kuroo absolutely needed to know, so Daishou holds it close to his chest. Under the feathery exterior of his fur(?) suit. 

"Don't you hate kids?" Daishou points his can of coffee at Kuroo accusingly.

"Only like. ninety percent of them?" Kuroo waves the question away. "Unlike you. You despise all of them, so seriously, why are you doing this?"

"Kids are shit but I need the money."

"That makes two of us then."

They look at each-other dead serious for all of two seconds before Kuroo starts to laugh. Daishou starts to squawk. It is only natural. Daishou rarely laughs out of joy. He laughs to mock. He assumes the worst and attacks. 

Kuroo isn't actually laughing either. He's cackling. He's gurgling. He's howling (at the moon, but the moon isn't up yet, but if it Was, he'd be howling at it.) He sounds like he's trying to summon a demon in an ancient language, paws wrapped around his waist and head thrown back. Daishou really, really wants to cup his face tenderly. Seven years and he is still pathetically in love. 

"I missed you." Suguru blurts out.

Now he really might just do a back-flip. off the top of the several flights of stairs located directly above them. It might take him five minutes tops to climb the steps in his suit, and another two to get out of the suit because fuck if he was going to die in the body of Adloo Adler, beloved by all ketchup guzzling kids in Sendai. That would truly be the lowest way to go.

Kuroo stops laughing and stares at him like he's a legless lizard that regrew its tail. Which would truly be unfortunate, because legless lizards suck. Snakes rule. End of non-existent debate.

"What, are you pining for me or something?" Kuroo laughs- no he's not actually laughing. It's too pretty to be a Kuroo-Laugh. He sounds nervous.

In a moment of uncharacteristic honesty, Daishou lowers his voice to a whisper and tells his coffee can, "So what if I am."

"Oh. Uh. Me." 

"What?" Daishou internally curses for being out of character. If he had stayed in character like a good little character, he would not be here, waiting with bated breath as the asshole of his dreams prepared to reject him.

"Me too," Kuroo repeats like it's a fact. Like he hadn't just rendered hours of Suguru's agony useless with two words and a shaky smile. Like he hadn't just ripped Daishou's beat-up little heart out of his chest (through Adloo's faux feathery chest and jersey) and consumed it whole.

"Well shit, now I just feel stupid." Daishou's can of coffee is empty and he chucks it viciously at the trashcan. It doesn't reach the trashcan, because he has no arm strength.

"Wanna hold paws?" Kuroo holds up his still articulate fursuit paw and wiggles it's fingers.

"Wings." Suguru insists.

"Paws."

"Wings."

" _Paws~_ "

Tetusrou's got the same smug look as ever, and Suguru wants to kiss it off his face.

So he does, capturing Kuroo's lips, his smug fucking grin and his smile all in one go. Kuroo kisses back, hand wrapped around Daishou's sweaty neck, and paw mercifully not involved in the kiss. A few seconds into making out though, it occurs to Daishou that this was probably the lamest, sweatiest, saddest confession and kiss possible. Still, a kiss is a kiss, and he has no room for complaint-

"MOM WHY IS JACKASUKE EATING ADLOO? SOMEONE SAVE HIM!"

Daishou Suguru aged 24 and Kuroo Tetsurou freshly 24 both decide that they hate All children at that very moment.


End file.
